I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind and uplifting words. I know my last blog update probably came off very bitter and somewhat nasty but I had to let it out. I was feeling pretty poopy. I still feel kinda strange about the whole thing but I'm definitely working it out and getting ready for the real show.
We went to dinner with my parents last night to get out of the house and stop being pouty. My father is absolutely crazy. He actually said to me "oh, I thought you could come into the office on Monday." Umm what? Seriously? The last place I want to be is work the day before I go through a second labor induction. I'm pretty sure it's cool if I just take it easy one last time - Just take my PTO! For pete's sake, I'm still sore from the uterine marathon on Friday. He also wants me to "be available" from the hospital and/or immediately following the birth of his first granddaughter. You know, because my job is so critical that someone might need me while I'm PUSHING A BABY OUT. He was dead serious too because there just happen to be crazies in our office that couldn't stop working if their life depended on it and were texting/emailing/calling from their freakin recovery bed. Yeah, sorry. I have different priorities pops. And making sure websites are updated is not one of them at this time. Love you, but I'm not stepping foot back there until the end of January, as planned. Also, some of the most critical anti-med-free moms I've encountered are in that office and there is absolutely no way in hell I'm explaining to them what happened on Friday. I am 146% sure I might murder one of them the second they had an opinion. That can't end well :)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
40 Weeks + 2 Days + Hospital Stay + Many Hours
So as some of you already know, I was admitted on Thursday night to begin the process of inducing labor. They gave me Cervadil at around 8 pm and my contractions started about 2 hours later. They were minor but enough to make sleeping very difficult - I guess that was payback for all the wonderful nights I've had full of sleep this pregnancy. I took some Ambien at around midnight but it did nothing...except make me feel kinda drunk. Oh, and the baby hates the continuous monitoring so a nurse was coming in every hour or so trying to find her heart beat. Nonetheless, I was so excited that I wasn't too worried about the lack of sleep.
The next morning I was able to eat breakfast and shower before they started the Pitocin drip in my IV. I was hooked back up to all of the monitors and we were off (luckily I was able to score a wireless fetal/contraction monitor!). By 10 am I was feeling slightly bigger contractions with the low dose Pitocin and Dan and I were walking the halls trying to help things along. It was very uneventful for most of the day, as the contractions got stronger and the Pitocin was increased. We watched movies, I rocked in the rocking chair through the rough contractions, and we waited. Waited. Waited. And waited some more. Just when the contrax would become regular, I would have a cluster where 5-8 would come one right on top of the next with no relief in between. That sucked. Since they kept jumping all over the place, I wasn't checked for progress until sometime around 5pm. After all of this, I was not dialated and the baby had not descended any farther down. WOW. 20 hours of contractions later (with NO pain medication mind you) and there was literally no progress towards delivery. I was crushed.
The midwife forced my cervix to 1 cm dialated. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. This pushed my already hard Pitocin contractions back into a cluster mess of basically one constant painful contraction. My water was still intact and I was extremely tired so we had to come up with a game plan. My Pitocin was turned off and I was finally allowed to eat. After much discussion and consultation with the other OBs, we decided not to push my body any longer. Yes, I was sent home after almost a full day of un-medicated labor. And for those of you who have been induced, you are well aware that Pitocin contractions only mimic natural contractions in that....they're contractions. The intensity is almost immediate as drugs can't copy the natural labor process. They suck so bad, and I never even made it to active labor.
So here I sit, at home. On top of all of this, my contractions still haven't stopped but I'm thanking God that they are Pitocin free as this is tolerable.
I'm a mess of emotions and Dan is at work. I'm still trying to reconcile how I will go through this again, now that I know exactly what to expect. Now that I know how hard Pitocin makes it, and how all of the monitoring is absolutely miserable, and how difficult it will be to go med free as I had planned - Not even taking into consideration how much harder it can be if something goes wrong.
I also don't feel like I have anyone to relate to about this. Plenty of women have failed inductions but I know of not one who didn't end up in a c-section and ultimately get to that final goal of meeting and then taking home their baby. I basically went through labor (yes, I know...it could have been much harder) only to be sent home like a failure, without getting to meet our baby, all with the knowledge that I have to start this back over on Tuesday. This is all very strange and surreal and sad at the same time. I am trying to stay positive and remember that this baby is a trooper and stayed happy and healthy all through this. She is still safe inside and kicking and none the wiser about what Mommy has gone through. I'm ok with this because I'll do whatever it takes to have the best, safest labor and delivery for this little angel.
And for those of you who have told me this whole time I wouldn't be able to/shouldn't/don't know how to do this without pain medication....you may be right but it won't be for lack of trying and it won't be because I can't. It will be because after having done it for 20 hours, I don't know if I can do the same thing to myself not even 4 days later. But I sure as hell am going to try again. And I will not accept any input from any woman who went into the hospital one day and left with their baby a few days later - no matter the circumstances. If you didn't have to labor two separate times, I don't care what you have to say about it. You don't know how this feels. And I also don't care if that comes off as insensitive or holier than thou. I'm in a hard place right now and honestly, I don't care if I offend you. Thanks for understanding.
The next morning I was able to eat breakfast and shower before they started the Pitocin drip in my IV. I was hooked back up to all of the monitors and we were off (luckily I was able to score a wireless fetal/contraction monitor!). By 10 am I was feeling slightly bigger contractions with the low dose Pitocin and Dan and I were walking the halls trying to help things along. It was very uneventful for most of the day, as the contractions got stronger and the Pitocin was increased. We watched movies, I rocked in the rocking chair through the rough contractions, and we waited. Waited. Waited. And waited some more. Just when the contrax would become regular, I would have a cluster where 5-8 would come one right on top of the next with no relief in between. That sucked. Since they kept jumping all over the place, I wasn't checked for progress until sometime around 5pm. After all of this, I was not dialated and the baby had not descended any farther down. WOW. 20 hours of contractions later (with NO pain medication mind you) and there was literally no progress towards delivery. I was crushed.
The midwife forced my cervix to 1 cm dialated. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. This pushed my already hard Pitocin contractions back into a cluster mess of basically one constant painful contraction. My water was still intact and I was extremely tired so we had to come up with a game plan. My Pitocin was turned off and I was finally allowed to eat. After much discussion and consultation with the other OBs, we decided not to push my body any longer. Yes, I was sent home after almost a full day of un-medicated labor. And for those of you who have been induced, you are well aware that Pitocin contractions only mimic natural contractions in that....they're contractions. The intensity is almost immediate as drugs can't copy the natural labor process. They suck so bad, and I never even made it to active labor.
So here I sit, at home. On top of all of this, my contractions still haven't stopped but I'm thanking God that they are Pitocin free as this is tolerable.
I'm a mess of emotions and Dan is at work. I'm still trying to reconcile how I will go through this again, now that I know exactly what to expect. Now that I know how hard Pitocin makes it, and how all of the monitoring is absolutely miserable, and how difficult it will be to go med free as I had planned - Not even taking into consideration how much harder it can be if something goes wrong.
I also don't feel like I have anyone to relate to about this. Plenty of women have failed inductions but I know of not one who didn't end up in a c-section and ultimately get to that final goal of meeting and then taking home their baby. I basically went through labor (yes, I know...it could have been much harder) only to be sent home like a failure, without getting to meet our baby, all with the knowledge that I have to start this back over on Tuesday. This is all very strange and surreal and sad at the same time. I am trying to stay positive and remember that this baby is a trooper and stayed happy and healthy all through this. She is still safe inside and kicking and none the wiser about what Mommy has gone through. I'm ok with this because I'll do whatever it takes to have the best, safest labor and delivery for this little angel.
And for those of you who have told me this whole time I wouldn't be able to/shouldn't/don't know how to do this without pain medication....you may be right but it won't be for lack of trying and it won't be because I can't. It will be because after having done it for 20 hours, I don't know if I can do the same thing to myself not even 4 days later. But I sure as hell am going to try again. And I will not accept any input from any woman who went into the hospital one day and left with their baby a few days later - no matter the circumstances. If you didn't have to labor two separate times, I don't care what you have to say about it. You don't know how this feels. And I also don't care if that comes off as insensitive or holier than thou. I'm in a hard place right now and honestly, I don't care if I offend you. Thanks for understanding.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
40 Weeks + 1 Day: So Here We Are
Yep, my due date was yesterday and still no baby. I'm being punished for never updating my blog aren't I?
Well the good news is that with this gestational diabetes deal, they won't let me go miserably over due like most women. We leave for the hospital tonight to check in and try some things to get this started and then Friday morning, they will start the dreaded pitocin (boooo hiss).
Please pray for us that things go smoothly and safely. Let's hope this baby and my body cooperate and that we can announce her healthy birth sometime tomorrow!
I'm off to walk, scrub floors, eat pineapple, take some herbal supplements and then walk some more. COME ON BEAN, LET'S GO!
Well the good news is that with this gestational diabetes deal, they won't let me go miserably over due like most women. We leave for the hospital tonight to check in and try some things to get this started and then Friday morning, they will start the dreaded pitocin (boooo hiss).
Please pray for us that things go smoothly and safely. Let's hope this baby and my body cooperate and that we can announce her healthy birth sometime tomorrow!
I'm off to walk, scrub floors, eat pineapple, take some herbal supplements and then walk some more. COME ON BEAN, LET'S GO!
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