Here is a conversation I had this morning with a complete stranger....
Stranger: Are you having a little boy?
Me: No, it's a girl.
Stranger: Hmmm...I don't think so.
Me: Well, yes. It is a girl. We had an ultrasound.
Stranger: (Staring at my belly, shaking head) No. It's a boy.
-Silence-
Me: Um. Ok.
Stranger: (Smiling) Little boys are so fun!
Now, let me make sure to tell you that this stranger is missing most of her teeth, looks to have been rode hard and put up wet, and her job is watering the indoor plants at our office building every week. I don't put much stock in anything she would have to say, but the conversation was odd nonetheless.
I will say, it is indeed a fact, that there will always be people that like to disagree or tell you you're wrong or even argue about pregnancy related issues. Just when I thought we had overcome a good amount of hurdles, I have had quite a few people not-so-politely remind me that our girl COULD END UP being a boy. Well duh. And your little boy could end up a hermaphrodite. But I don't say that to you because, well, I find that a weird thing to choose to say to a pregnant woman. Of all the positive and exciting things to talk about, some people get so AWKWARD when it comes to talking about pregnancy. But whatever, if not this, they will criticize the next thing in the line up.
Hey stranger, what is your stance on cloth diapering???
Friday, August 8, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
21 Weeks: Drumroll Please
Yes, I know I totally skipped out on like a month of posts but it has been a busy time and honestly, I can't remember to turn off the iron let alone make weekly posts.
BUT I have come back to make a very important announcement.
We had our anatomy scan on Monday and everything looks perfect! Heart's a' pumpin', brain's a' formin' and all that good stuff. Now, I know what you really want to hear about....
WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!
I had a feeling all along and it was nice to have that confirmed. Of course, my midwife keeps correcting me saying "IF it's a girl" since she doesn't put much stock in ultrasound sex confirmations (one too many "girls" being born with penises I guess). I have basically been studying any ultrasound picture I can get my hands on and I knew right away when I saw it. The tech did too. It was basically as clear as it can get. We might get an elective u/s just to double check but for now we are OVER THE MOON excited to meet our daughter in December :)
BUT I have come back to make a very important announcement.
We had our anatomy scan on Monday and everything looks perfect! Heart's a' pumpin', brain's a' formin' and all that good stuff. Now, I know what you really want to hear about....
WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!
I had a feeling all along and it was nice to have that confirmed. Of course, my midwife keeps correcting me saying "IF it's a girl" since she doesn't put much stock in ultrasound sex confirmations (one too many "girls" being born with penises I guess). I have basically been studying any ultrasound picture I can get my hands on and I knew right away when I saw it. The tech did too. It was basically as clear as it can get. We might get an elective u/s just to double check but for now we are OVER THE MOON excited to meet our daughter in December :)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
15 Weeks: Things Not to Say
You may think you're just being curious (or cute), but she'll secretly want to poke your eyes out.
By Paula Kashtan
Yes, we admit: It's always easy to unintentionally hit a hormonal land mine with another female, but when she's pregnant, it really doesn't take much for things to get ugly. Help yourself (and her!) with this list of things not to say.
"So...was it planned?" Besides the obvious privacy invasion (their birth control = none of your business), there's the unspoken — and uncalled for — judgment. As in, "You really think now is a good time for a child? And you seriously think you can handle it?" Keep the unsolicited opinions to yourself.
"Twins! IVF or natural?" No matter what her status is, in vitro fertilization is a touchy topic, so zip it. If she did have IVF, that means she had trouble getting pregnant on her own. Fertility issues are a pretty personal subject (if she wanted you to be in the know, she would've mentioned it by now). And if it wasn't IVF, she's likely had too many people assuming otherwise.
"30 weeks? You're still so small!" There's just no way to win here. Tell her she looks small, and she hears that the baby isn't getting enough nutrition and she's already a negligent mother. Don't apply this in reverse, though. Yes, she's aware she's gaining weight; yes, she knows it's a natural and healthy thing; and no, she doesn't want to hear about it from you.
"Speaking of pregnancy, did I ever tell you about my sister's 36-hour labor?" Skip the horror stories, please — she's got enough to be nervous about without listening to your nightmare tales. And, by the way, it's totally okay (preferable, even) to not have anything interesting or illuminating to tell her about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting.
"Well, maybe next time it'll be a boy."Sorry, whose baby is this? Your gender preference is pretty much...no, entirely irrelevant. And rude! Anything less than unconditional happiness and support is best kept to yourself. And if she previously expressed hope for a different gender, there's no need to remind her — implying that she's not totally excited about the baby is a sure way to make her feel like a bad mommy.
"Felt any kicks yet [said while placing hand on her belly]?" We know, the belly rub is tough to resist...but please do. Normal rules of human interaction do apply when dealing with a pregnant person, so hands off. Okay, you're allowed to politely ask for a touch, but even that deserves a little thought. Under normal circumstances, would you feel comfortable physically interacting with her? Sporting a bump doesn't suddenly make her body public property.
"[Insert name]? Really? Hmm, that's an...interesting choice." Yes, we agree, she should've kept her baby name a secret if she didn't want feedback...but that doesn't let you off the hook. Unless she expressly asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself — choosing a name is hard enough without (unsolicited!) comments about how odd your grade-school classmate [insert name] smelled.
"That's a decaf latte, right?"Another one of those none of your business situations. Same goes for questioning her decision not to drink caffeine, if that's the case...because no matter what the circumstance, all she's going to hear is your implied judgment. We don't care how many scary headlines you've seen about caffeine during pregnancy; this conversation is appropriate only if you're her doctor. Please apply the same logic to comments about sushi and alcohol intake.
"Let me know when you're at week 15. I'm praying this one works out."Yes, we've heard this line. And more than once! No matter how good your intentions, there's never never never an appropriate time to mention the risk of miscarriage or any previous losses. Trust us — she's well aware.
"Yeah, babies are cute and all, but just wait until puberty..." We're operating without a back button here...let's keep it positive, okay? Tell her how sweet babies are, talk about all the fun she'll have with her toddler, but please — nothing about the terrible twos or teenage mood swings. If she'd like your assistance when (and if) those things become a reality, she'll certainly seek it out. Until then, the small person growing in her belly offers more than enough to focus on.
By Paula Kashtan
Yes, we admit: It's always easy to unintentionally hit a hormonal land mine with another female, but when she's pregnant, it really doesn't take much for things to get ugly. Help yourself (and her!) with this list of things not to say.
"So...was it planned?" Besides the obvious privacy invasion (their birth control = none of your business), there's the unspoken — and uncalled for — judgment. As in, "You really think now is a good time for a child? And you seriously think you can handle it?" Keep the unsolicited opinions to yourself.
"Twins! IVF or natural?" No matter what her status is, in vitro fertilization is a touchy topic, so zip it. If she did have IVF, that means she had trouble getting pregnant on her own. Fertility issues are a pretty personal subject (if she wanted you to be in the know, she would've mentioned it by now). And if it wasn't IVF, she's likely had too many people assuming otherwise.
"30 weeks? You're still so small!" There's just no way to win here. Tell her she looks small, and she hears that the baby isn't getting enough nutrition and she's already a negligent mother. Don't apply this in reverse, though. Yes, she's aware she's gaining weight; yes, she knows it's a natural and healthy thing; and no, she doesn't want to hear about it from you.
"Speaking of pregnancy, did I ever tell you about my sister's 36-hour labor?" Skip the horror stories, please — she's got enough to be nervous about without listening to your nightmare tales. And, by the way, it's totally okay (preferable, even) to not have anything interesting or illuminating to tell her about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting.
"Well, maybe next time it'll be a boy."Sorry, whose baby is this? Your gender preference is pretty much...no, entirely irrelevant. And rude! Anything less than unconditional happiness and support is best kept to yourself. And if she previously expressed hope for a different gender, there's no need to remind her — implying that she's not totally excited about the baby is a sure way to make her feel like a bad mommy.
"Felt any kicks yet [said while placing hand on her belly]?" We know, the belly rub is tough to resist...but please do. Normal rules of human interaction do apply when dealing with a pregnant person, so hands off. Okay, you're allowed to politely ask for a touch, but even that deserves a little thought. Under normal circumstances, would you feel comfortable physically interacting with her? Sporting a bump doesn't suddenly make her body public property.
"[Insert name]? Really? Hmm, that's an...interesting choice." Yes, we agree, she should've kept her baby name a secret if she didn't want feedback...but that doesn't let you off the hook. Unless she expressly asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself — choosing a name is hard enough without (unsolicited!) comments about how odd your grade-school classmate [insert name] smelled.
"That's a decaf latte, right?"Another one of those none of your business situations. Same goes for questioning her decision not to drink caffeine, if that's the case...because no matter what the circumstance, all she's going to hear is your implied judgment. We don't care how many scary headlines you've seen about caffeine during pregnancy; this conversation is appropriate only if you're her doctor. Please apply the same logic to comments about sushi and alcohol intake.
"Let me know when you're at week 15. I'm praying this one works out."Yes, we've heard this line. And more than once! No matter how good your intentions, there's never never never an appropriate time to mention the risk of miscarriage or any previous losses. Trust us — she's well aware.
"Yeah, babies are cute and all, but just wait until puberty..." We're operating without a back button here...let's keep it positive, okay? Tell her how sweet babies are, talk about all the fun she'll have with her toddler, but please — nothing about the terrible twos or teenage mood swings. If she'd like your assistance when (and if) those things become a reality, she'll certainly seek it out. Until then, the small person growing in her belly offers more than enough to focus on.
14 Weeks: Still Truckin
Seeing as how I am now writing my blogs retroactively to catch up with myself, I'm trying to recall how I felt.
I think at 14 weeks I was doing a good bit better. I was probably happy just to be out of the evil first trimester. Since I don't have too much to say, I'm guessing it was a pretty mediocre week.
The baby was the size of a grapefruit or something close to that.
Even though I wasn't nearly as nauseous as earlier in my pregnancy, I definitely remember thinking "Those women who told me this gets better in the 2nd tri better be telling the truth or else I am NOT friends with them anymore." I wouldn't call them liars, but I will say I was not very happy with their assessments for about another 3 weeks (and counting).
At 14 weeks, I was down 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.
I think at 14 weeks I was doing a good bit better. I was probably happy just to be out of the evil first trimester. Since I don't have too much to say, I'm guessing it was a pretty mediocre week.
The baby was the size of a grapefruit or something close to that.
Even though I wasn't nearly as nauseous as earlier in my pregnancy, I definitely remember thinking "Those women who told me this gets better in the 2nd tri better be telling the truth or else I am NOT friends with them anymore." I wouldn't call them liars, but I will say I was not very happy with their assessments for about another 3 weeks (and counting).
At 14 weeks, I was down 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.
Monday, June 16, 2008
13 Weeks: Here's a Happy Post for the Month
Since I really don't want to come across as the most bitter pregnant woman to ever walk to the earth, I have decided to take this time to write a heartfelt, lovey dovey blog about my pregnancy so far.
In the midst of feeling exhausted and gross, I realized just how lucky I am to have my husband. I've always been lucky to have him (which I don't tell him nearly enough) but he has really stepped up and dealt with a lot from me over the past weeks.
Case in point: The Chicken Incident.
He calls to tell me he's bringing something home for dinner. Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus that I don't have to cook. The options are KFC, Taco Bell or Wendy's. KFC is fine but I wish it was Popeye's. Fast forward 40 minutes. Where the heck is he? In walks the most perfect husband with the most perfect bag of Popeye's goodness. He went wellllllll out of his way just to pick up fried chicken and biscuits from Popeye's since he knows KFC is not my first choice.
He is awesome.
In the midst of feeling exhausted and gross, I realized just how lucky I am to have my husband. I've always been lucky to have him (which I don't tell him nearly enough) but he has really stepped up and dealt with a lot from me over the past weeks.
Case in point: The Chicken Incident.
He calls to tell me he's bringing something home for dinner. Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus that I don't have to cook. The options are KFC, Taco Bell or Wendy's. KFC is fine but I wish it was Popeye's. Fast forward 40 minutes. Where the heck is he? In walks the most perfect husband with the most perfect bag of Popeye's goodness. He went wellllllll out of his way just to pick up fried chicken and biscuits from Popeye's since he knows KFC is not my first choice.
He is awesome.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
12 Weeks: No, I Don't Care What You Did
You know me, all ranty and what not.
Let me preface this by saying: If I have ever asked you about or actively engaged you in a discussion about your labor and delivery experience, this blog is not directed at you. And I can promise you, if you are reading this, you most likely fall into the "safe" category.
There are, however, those women who feel the need to "explain" to me just what I will want (demand even) to happen during my labor and delivery.
Before I became pregnant I was unaware of the hierarchy that exists amongst mothers. You have your bottom rung newbies like myself - never been pregnant, all fresh faced and doe eyed about the whole deal. Then there are the first tier veterans that probably only have one child (these are typically the most interesting of the bunch. I'll explain). You have seasoned vets with a few kids under their belt (my most valuable ladies) and then the jaded bitties who probably also have a few deliveries to share war stories about, but they usually have a good 20 to 30 years on the seasoned vets therefore making them simultaneously a know-it-all and grossly-out-of-touch-old-hag.
Let me be clear that I have the utmost respect for all women who have given birth. I'm not delusional enough to think it's all sunshine and rainbows so I'm pretty well aware of how strong these ladies have been throughout their pregnancies and deliveries.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to get the most unsolicited advice about birth from the women who have had one child. They also seem to be the ones that put the most "in-the-box" parameters on what labor and delivery are like and what I must expect. This is odd. You had a c-section at the last minute so I should automatically ask for an epidural. How does this make any sense? Your labor was 75 hours long so I won't want to try a natural birth. What? I understand that there are about a million different situations that can arise throughout the entire process but why in the world would you know what I should want/won't want/can't do during my labor and delivery? It's all said under the heading "I just want to give you all the scenarios - Information is power" type crap, when really it feels like a sermon about how naive I am. Listen, if I tell you that I have a birth plan that includes chanting and incense while a midget massages my temples, who the hell are you to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about? I think it's a given that I don't actually, physically know what will happen or how I will feel at the time but I'll be damned if I let your self righteous ass belittle my PROPOSED plan for labor and delivery. F OFF. I get bitter with these people.
I love moms with 2 or more children. Why? Because they know, for a fact - by their own experience - that every single delivery is different. Knowing this forces them to be much more reasonable with their advice offerings. They know they would sound like pretentious ninnies if they spoke in absolutes like the crazies above. This is the sorta person I can have a serious conversation with, without feeling like I'm being told (in not so many words) that I'm an idiot. My awesome mother is one of these women. Thank you mom.
Oh. My favorite. The Jadded Old Bitties. The funny thing about these women - I'm 120% sure they were the crazy first time moms that thought they knew everything and made sure everyone else was aware of it. Well, now here we have a crazy who knows all there is to know about childbirth.....in 1965. I find it so helpful when a mother who was under general anesthesia when her first 3 children were born, tells me that "labor and delivery aren't hard." Oh really Einstein? Being unconscious will do that. I know "that's just how it was" back then but COME ON. You are in 2008 - you KNOW it's not anymore whether you have recently experienced it or not. You possess no relevance. Just stop talking. My grandmother has somehow managed to understand that times change and that births today are not the same as they were 40 years ago. She offers cool stories about how different things were with each of her own deliveries and how far we've come to get where we are today (even though she hasn't given birth for 30 + years). I know it's possible to step outside your sanctimonious bubble and so I have no time for old ladies who choose not to. You are not applicable to modern times. Go knit something.
P.S. I'm not angry. I'm not fired up. This took me all of 15 minutes to write. Mostly I find it funny.
Let me preface this by saying: If I have ever asked you about or actively engaged you in a discussion about your labor and delivery experience, this blog is not directed at you. And I can promise you, if you are reading this, you most likely fall into the "safe" category.
There are, however, those women who feel the need to "explain" to me just what I will want (demand even) to happen during my labor and delivery.
Before I became pregnant I was unaware of the hierarchy that exists amongst mothers. You have your bottom rung newbies like myself - never been pregnant, all fresh faced and doe eyed about the whole deal. Then there are the first tier veterans that probably only have one child (these are typically the most interesting of the bunch. I'll explain). You have seasoned vets with a few kids under their belt (my most valuable ladies) and then the jaded bitties who probably also have a few deliveries to share war stories about, but they usually have a good 20 to 30 years on the seasoned vets therefore making them simultaneously a know-it-all and grossly-out-of-touch-old-hag.
Let me be clear that I have the utmost respect for all women who have given birth. I'm not delusional enough to think it's all sunshine and rainbows so I'm pretty well aware of how strong these ladies have been throughout their pregnancies and deliveries.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to get the most unsolicited advice about birth from the women who have had one child. They also seem to be the ones that put the most "in-the-box" parameters on what labor and delivery are like and what I must expect. This is odd. You had a c-section at the last minute so I should automatically ask for an epidural. How does this make any sense? Your labor was 75 hours long so I won't want to try a natural birth. What? I understand that there are about a million different situations that can arise throughout the entire process but why in the world would you know what I should want/won't want/can't do during my labor and delivery? It's all said under the heading "I just want to give you all the scenarios - Information is power" type crap, when really it feels like a sermon about how naive I am. Listen, if I tell you that I have a birth plan that includes chanting and incense while a midget massages my temples, who the hell are you to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about? I think it's a given that I don't actually, physically know what will happen or how I will feel at the time but I'll be damned if I let your self righteous ass belittle my PROPOSED plan for labor and delivery. F OFF. I get bitter with these people.
I love moms with 2 or more children. Why? Because they know, for a fact - by their own experience - that every single delivery is different. Knowing this forces them to be much more reasonable with their advice offerings. They know they would sound like pretentious ninnies if they spoke in absolutes like the crazies above. This is the sorta person I can have a serious conversation with, without feeling like I'm being told (in not so many words) that I'm an idiot. My awesome mother is one of these women. Thank you mom.
Oh. My favorite. The Jadded Old Bitties. The funny thing about these women - I'm 120% sure they were the crazy first time moms that thought they knew everything and made sure everyone else was aware of it. Well, now here we have a crazy who knows all there is to know about childbirth.....in 1965. I find it so helpful when a mother who was under general anesthesia when her first 3 children were born, tells me that "labor and delivery aren't hard." Oh really Einstein? Being unconscious will do that. I know "that's just how it was" back then but COME ON. You are in 2008 - you KNOW it's not anymore whether you have recently experienced it or not. You possess no relevance. Just stop talking. My grandmother has somehow managed to understand that times change and that births today are not the same as they were 40 years ago. She offers cool stories about how different things were with each of her own deliveries and how far we've come to get where we are today (even though she hasn't given birth for 30 + years). I know it's possible to step outside your sanctimonious bubble and so I have no time for old ladies who choose not to. You are not applicable to modern times. Go knit something.
P.S. I'm not angry. I'm not fired up. This took me all of 15 minutes to write. Mostly I find it funny.
11 Weeks: Playing Catch Up
So I've been an awful blogger for the past 3 weeks and I'm almost to the point of not remembering what I'd like to write about. ALMOST. I'll give a quick recap of week 10 for you....
The same as week, 7, 8, 9 ....
Not too much changed as far as my nausea and such. I'm definitely getting bigger but I haven't gained any weight. This is such a strange phenomenon to me. I'm all, "Oh wow, I'm down 10 pounds." But really, it's not a WOO HOO! type "wow." At the same time, I'm buying maternity pants and bella bands to keep my expanding waistline in check. So weird.
I've got a ton on my plate and there is no shortage of tears in my life. Apparently I will cry - literally - over anything. I've always been a crier so this pregnancy has basically just thrown me over the edge into a full fledged weepy mess. Then, when I realize I'm crying over something ridiculous, I start laughing. That is quite a sight.
"I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you." ~ Gallagher
The same as week, 7, 8, 9 ....
Not too much changed as far as my nausea and such. I'm definitely getting bigger but I haven't gained any weight. This is such a strange phenomenon to me. I'm all, "Oh wow, I'm down 10 pounds." But really, it's not a WOO HOO! type "wow." At the same time, I'm buying maternity pants and bella bands to keep my expanding waistline in check. So weird.
I've got a ton on my plate and there is no shortage of tears in my life. Apparently I will cry - literally - over anything. I've always been a crier so this pregnancy has basically just thrown me over the edge into a full fledged weepy mess. Then, when I realize I'm crying over something ridiculous, I start laughing. That is quite a sight.
"I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you." ~ Gallagher
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