40 Weeks + 4 Days

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind and uplifting words. I know my last blog update probably came off very bitter and somewhat nasty but I had to let it out. I was feeling pretty poopy. I still feel kinda strange about the whole thing but I'm definitely working it out and getting ready for the real show.

We went to dinner with my parents last night to get out of the house and stop being pouty. My father is absolutely crazy. He actually said to me "oh, I thought you could come into the office on Monday." Umm what? Seriously? The last place I want to be is work the day before I go through a second labor induction. I'm pretty sure it's cool if I just take it easy one last time - Just take my PTO! For pete's sake, I'm still sore from the uterine marathon on Friday. He also wants me to "be available" from the hospital and/or immediately following the birth of his first granddaughter. You know, because my job is so critical that someone might need me while I'm PUSHING A BABY OUT. He was dead serious too because there just happen to be crazies in our office that couldn't stop working if their life depended on it and were texting/emailing/calling from their freakin recovery bed. Yeah, sorry. I have different priorities pops. And making sure websites are updated is not one of them at this time. Love you, but I'm not stepping foot back there until the end of January, as planned. Also, some of the most critical anti-med-free moms I've encountered are in that office and there is absolutely no way in hell I'm explaining to them what happened on Friday. I am 146% sure I might murder one of them the second they had an opinion. That can't end well :)

40 Weeks + 2 Days + Hospital Stay + Many Hours

So as some of you already know, I was admitted on Thursday night to begin the process of inducing labor. They gave me Cervadil at around 8 pm and my contractions started about 2 hours later. They were minor but enough to make sleeping very difficult - I guess that was payback for all the wonderful nights I've had full of sleep this pregnancy. I took some Ambien at around midnight but it did nothing...except make me feel kinda drunk. Oh, and the baby hates the continuous monitoring so a nurse was coming in every hour or so trying to find her heart beat. Nonetheless, I was so excited that I wasn't too worried about the lack of sleep.

The next morning I was able to eat breakfast and shower before they started the Pitocin drip in my IV. I was hooked back up to all of the monitors and we were off (luckily I was able to score a wireless fetal/contraction monitor!). By 10 am I was feeling slightly bigger contractions with the low dose Pitocin and Dan and I were walking the halls trying to help things along. It was very uneventful for most of the day, as the contractions got stronger and the Pitocin was increased. We watched movies, I rocked in the rocking chair through the rough contractions, and we waited. Waited. Waited. And waited some more. Just when the contrax would become regular, I would have a cluster where 5-8 would come one right on top of the next with no relief in between. That sucked. Since they kept jumping all over the place, I wasn't checked for progress until sometime around 5pm. After all of this, I was not dialated and the baby had not descended any farther down. WOW. 20 hours of contractions later (with NO pain medication mind you) and there was literally no progress towards delivery. I was crushed.

The midwife forced my cervix to 1 cm dialated. Yes, it was as fun as it sounds. This pushed my already hard Pitocin contractions back into a cluster mess of basically one constant painful contraction. My water was still intact and I was extremely tired so we had to come up with a game plan. My Pitocin was turned off and I was finally allowed to eat. After much discussion and consultation with the other OBs, we decided not to push my body any longer. Yes, I was sent home after almost a full day of un-medicated labor. And for those of you who have been induced, you are well aware that Pitocin contractions only mimic natural contractions in that....they're contractions. The intensity is almost immediate as drugs can't copy the natural labor process. They suck so bad, and I never even made it to active labor.

So here I sit, at home. On top of all of this, my contractions still haven't stopped but I'm thanking God that they are Pitocin free as this is tolerable.

I'm a mess of emotions and Dan is at work. I'm still trying to reconcile how I will go through this again, now that I know exactly what to expect. Now that I know how hard Pitocin makes it, and how all of the monitoring is absolutely miserable, and how difficult it will be to go med free as I had planned - Not even taking into consideration how much harder it can be if something goes wrong.

I also don't feel like I have anyone to relate to about this. Plenty of women have failed inductions but I know of not one who didn't end up in a c-section and ultimately get to that final goal of meeting and then taking home their baby. I basically went through labor (yes, I know...it could have been much harder) only to be sent home like a failure, without getting to meet our baby, all with the knowledge that I have to start this back over on Tuesday. This is all very strange and surreal and sad at the same time. I am trying to stay positive and remember that this baby is a trooper and stayed happy and healthy all through this. She is still safe inside and kicking and none the wiser about what Mommy has gone through. I'm ok with this because I'll do whatever it takes to have the best, safest labor and delivery for this little angel.

And for those of you who have told me this whole time I wouldn't be able to/shouldn't/don't know how to do this without pain medication....you may be right but it won't be for lack of trying and it won't be because I can't. It will be because after having done it for 20 hours, I don't know if I can do the same thing to myself not even 4 days later. But I sure as hell am going to try again. And I will not accept any input from any woman who went into the hospital one day and left with their baby a few days later - no matter the circumstances. If you didn't have to labor two separate times, I don't care what you have to say about it. You don't know how this feels. And I also don't care if that comes off as insensitive or holier than thou. I'm in a hard place right now and honestly, I don't care if I offend you. Thanks for understanding.

40 Weeks + 1 Day: So Here We Are

Yep, my due date was yesterday and still no baby. I'm being punished for never updating my blog aren't I?

Well the good news is that with this gestational diabetes deal, they won't let me go miserably over due like most women. We leave for the hospital tonight to check in and try some things to get this started and then Friday morning, they will start the dreaded pitocin (boooo hiss).

Please pray for us that things go smoothly and safely. Let's hope this baby and my body cooperate and that we can announce her healthy birth sometime tomorrow!

I'm off to walk, scrub floors, eat pineapple, take some herbal supplements and then walk some more. COME ON BEAN, LET'S GO!

32 Weeks: Woah it's getting close

So I have completely neglected this blog for most of my pregnancy. Probably because the bulk of the second trimester and beginning of the third were so awesome. Seriously, I would forget I was pregnant sometimes.
Now here I sit, huge, stretched out, achy, tired and ready to have my baby. Well, not REALLY ready but mentally ready. She needs to bake away in there a bit longer but emotionally, we are ready to have her out!
I'm going to take this time to vent/brag/bitch/whatev since it's been so long and I know you miss this bitter knocked up hag :)

1. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes about a month ago. It sucks. Bad. All I want to eat is cake and french toast. TOO BAD. I get to eat cheese and chicken. Have fun. I think my main annoyance with having to follow this carb-/sugar-/love-less diet is that people don't understand that I did not do this to myself. That I am not an unhealthy diabetic that is abusing my baby via blood sugar overdose. In fact, if one more person says any of the following things to me, I reserve the right to throat punch them...HARD.
-"Oh, but you weren't really overweight!" Um dipshit, I was never overweight. And I'm pretty sure even now, at 7 months pregnant, I still weigh less than you.
-"You let your 'pregnancy' diet get that bad huh?" Yes, I decided to only eat a diet of candy, white sugar and soda. In fact, I did everything in my power to be one of those pregnant women that deliberately tries to eat as bad as possible. What, that's not normal?
-"Ah, you have family members with diabetes huh?" Actually, no. I don't. Andplusalso, Gestational Diabetes is pregnancy induced. Read a book ASS.

Like I said - HARD THROAT PUNCH.

2. You are not pregnant for 10 months. I'm pretty sure women cling to the 10 month idea because they are freakin huge by month 8 and it makes them feel better to say "I'm 9 months pregnant." That's right, I just threw my pregnant comrades under the bus. Get over it. When you get to your due date, you are not 10 months pregnant. Sorry.

3. I will have a grease stain directly in the middle of the belly on each and every shirt I wear from now until this baby makes her debut. I've accepted this.

4. Did I mention that I realllllllly want to eat cake?

5. Stretch marks will find you just when you think you may have avoided them. Yeah, I know it wasn't realistic since I'm hardly finished with this pregnancy but a girl can hope right? WRONG.

6. I don't have to wake up at any point during the night to pee. Never have. Jealous?

So there it is. My ranting for the week. Or month since I don't ever update this thing.

22 Weeks: Psychic Strangers

Here is a conversation I had this morning with a complete stranger....

Stranger: Are you having a little boy?
Me: No, it's a girl.
Stranger: Hmmm...I don't think so.
Me: Well, yes. It is a girl. We had an ultrasound.
Stranger: (Staring at my belly, shaking head) No. It's a boy.
-Silence-
Me: Um. Ok.
Stranger: (Smiling) Little boys are so fun!

Now, let me make sure to tell you that this stranger is missing most of her teeth, looks to have been rode hard and put up wet, and her job is watering the indoor plants at our office building every week. I don't put much stock in anything she would have to say, but the conversation was odd nonetheless.
I will say, it is indeed a fact, that there will always be people that like to disagree or tell you you're wrong or even argue about pregnancy related issues. Just when I thought we had overcome a good amount of hurdles, I have had quite a few people not-so-politely remind me that our girl COULD END UP being a boy. Well duh. And your little boy could end up a hermaphrodite. But I don't say that to you because, well, I find that a weird thing to choose to say to a pregnant woman. Of all the positive and exciting things to talk about, some people get so AWKWARD when it comes to talking about pregnancy. But whatever, if not this, they will criticize the next thing in the line up.
Hey stranger, what is your stance on cloth diapering???

21 Weeks: Drumroll Please

Yes, I know I totally skipped out on like a month of posts but it has been a busy time and honestly, I can't remember to turn off the iron let alone make weekly posts.
BUT I have come back to make a very important announcement.
We had our anatomy scan on Monday and everything looks perfect! Heart's a' pumpin', brain's a' formin' and all that good stuff. Now, I know what you really want to hear about....

WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!

I had a feeling all along and it was nice to have that confirmed. Of course, my midwife keeps correcting me saying "IF it's a girl" since she doesn't put much stock in ultrasound sex confirmations (one too many "girls" being born with penises I guess). I have basically been studying any ultrasound picture I can get my hands on and I knew right away when I saw it. The tech did too. It was basically as clear as it can get. We might get an elective u/s just to double check but for now we are OVER THE MOON excited to meet our daughter in December :)

15 Weeks: Things Not to Say

You may think you're just being curious (or cute), but she'll secretly want to poke your eyes out.
By Paula Kashtan

Yes, we admit: It's always easy to unintentionally hit a hormonal land mine with another female, but when she's pregnant, it really doesn't take much for things to get ugly. Help yourself (and her!) with this list of things not to say.

"So...was it planned?" Besides the obvious privacy invasion (their birth control = none of your business), there's the unspoken — and uncalled for — judgment. As in, "You really think now is a good time for a child? And you seriously think you can handle it?" Keep the unsolicited opinions to yourself.

"Twins! IVF or natural?" No matter what her status is, in vitro fertilization is a touchy topic, so zip it. If she did have IVF, that means she had trouble getting pregnant on her own. Fertility issues are a pretty personal subject (if she wanted you to be in the know, she would've mentioned it by now). And if it wasn't IVF, she's likely had too many people assuming otherwise.

"30 weeks? You're still so small!" There's just no way to win here. Tell her she looks small, and she hears that the baby isn't getting enough nutrition and she's already a negligent mother. Don't apply this in reverse, though. Yes, she's aware she's gaining weight; yes, she knows it's a natural and healthy thing; and no, she doesn't want to hear about it from you.

"Speaking of pregnancy, did I ever tell you about my sister's 36-hour labor?" Skip the horror stories, please — she's got enough to be nervous about without listening to your nightmare tales. And, by the way, it's totally okay (preferable, even) to not have anything interesting or illuminating to tell her about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting.
"Well, maybe next time it'll be a boy."Sorry, whose baby is this? Your gender preference is pretty much...no, entirely irrelevant. And rude! Anything less than unconditional happiness and support is best kept to yourself. And if she previously expressed hope for a different gender, there's no need to remind her — implying that she's not totally excited about the baby is a sure way to make her feel like a bad mommy.

"Felt any kicks yet [said while placing hand on her belly]?" We know, the belly rub is tough to resist...but please do. Normal rules of human interaction do apply when dealing with a pregnant person, so hands off. Okay, you're allowed to politely ask for a touch, but even that deserves a little thought. Under normal circumstances, would you feel comfortable physically interacting with her? Sporting a bump doesn't suddenly make her body public property.

"[Insert name]? Really? Hmm, that's an...interesting choice." Yes, we agree, she should've kept her baby name a secret if she didn't want feedback...but that doesn't let you off the hook. Unless she expressly asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself — choosing a name is hard enough without (unsolicited!) comments about how odd your grade-school classmate [insert name] smelled.

"That's a decaf latte, right?"Another one of those none of your business situations. Same goes for questioning her decision not to drink caffeine, if that's the case...because no matter what the circumstance, all she's going to hear is your implied judgment. We don't care how many scary headlines you've seen about caffeine during pregnancy; this conversation is appropriate only if you're her doctor. Please apply the same logic to comments about sushi and alcohol intake.
"Let me know when you're at week 15. I'm praying this one works out."Yes, we've heard this line. And more than once! No matter how good your intentions, there's never never never an appropriate time to mention the risk of miscarriage or any previous losses. Trust us — she's well aware.

"Yeah, babies are cute and all, but just wait until puberty..." We're operating without a back button here...let's keep it positive, okay? Tell her how sweet babies are, talk about all the fun she'll have with her toddler, but please — nothing about the terrible twos or teenage mood swings. If she'd like your assistance when (and if) those things become a reality, she'll certainly seek it out. Until then, the small person growing in her belly offers more than enough to focus on.

14 Weeks: Still Truckin

Seeing as how I am now writing my blogs retroactively to catch up with myself, I'm trying to recall how I felt.
I think at 14 weeks I was doing a good bit better. I was probably happy just to be out of the evil first trimester. Since I don't have too much to say, I'm guessing it was a pretty mediocre week.
The baby was the size of a grapefruit or something close to that.
Even though I wasn't nearly as nauseous as earlier in my pregnancy, I definitely remember thinking "Those women who told me this gets better in the 2nd tri better be telling the truth or else I am NOT friends with them anymore." I wouldn't call them liars, but I will say I was not very happy with their assessments for about another 3 weeks (and counting).
At 14 weeks, I was down 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

13 Weeks: Here's a Happy Post for the Month

Since I really don't want to come across as the most bitter pregnant woman to ever walk to the earth, I have decided to take this time to write a heartfelt, lovey dovey blog about my pregnancy so far.

In the midst of feeling exhausted and gross, I realized just how lucky I am to have my husband. I've always been lucky to have him (which I don't tell him nearly enough) but he has really stepped up and dealt with a lot from me over the past weeks.

Case in point: The Chicken Incident.
He calls to tell me he's bringing something home for dinner. Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus that I don't have to cook. The options are KFC, Taco Bell or Wendy's. KFC is fine but I wish it was Popeye's. Fast forward 40 minutes. Where the heck is he? In walks the most perfect husband with the most perfect bag of Popeye's goodness. He went wellllllll out of his way just to pick up fried chicken and biscuits from Popeye's since he knows KFC is not my first choice.
He is awesome.

12 Weeks: No, I Don't Care What You Did

You know me, all ranty and what not.
Let me preface this by saying: If I have ever asked you about or actively engaged you in a discussion about your labor and delivery experience, this blog is not directed at you. And I can promise you, if you are reading this, you most likely fall into the "safe" category.
There are, however, those women who feel the need to "explain" to me just what I will want (demand even) to happen during my labor and delivery.
Before I became pregnant I was unaware of the hierarchy that exists amongst mothers. You have your bottom rung newbies like myself - never been pregnant, all fresh faced and doe eyed about the whole deal. Then there are the first tier veterans that probably only have one child (these are typically the most interesting of the bunch. I'll explain). You have seasoned vets with a few kids under their belt (my most valuable ladies) and then the jaded bitties who probably also have a few deliveries to share war stories about, but they usually have a good 20 to 30 years on the seasoned vets therefore making them simultaneously a know-it-all and grossly-out-of-touch-old-hag.
Let me be clear that I have the utmost respect for all women who have given birth. I'm not delusional enough to think it's all sunshine and rainbows so I'm pretty well aware of how strong these ladies have been throughout their pregnancies and deliveries.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to get the most unsolicited advice about birth from the women who have had one child. They also seem to be the ones that put the most "in-the-box" parameters on what labor and delivery are like and what I must expect. This is odd. You had a c-section at the last minute so I should automatically ask for an epidural. How does this make any sense? Your labor was 75 hours long so I won't want to try a natural birth. What? I understand that there are about a million different situations that can arise throughout the entire process but why in the world would you know what I should want/won't want/can't do during my labor and delivery? It's all said under the heading "I just want to give you all the scenarios - Information is power" type crap, when really it feels like a sermon about how naive I am. Listen, if I tell you that I have a birth plan that includes chanting and incense while a midget massages my temples, who the hell are you to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about? I think it's a given that I don't actually, physically know what will happen or how I will feel at the time but I'll be damned if I let your self righteous ass belittle my PROPOSED plan for labor and delivery. F OFF. I get bitter with these people.
I love moms with 2 or more children. Why? Because they know, for a fact - by their own experience - that every single delivery is different. Knowing this forces them to be much more reasonable with their advice offerings. They know they would sound like pretentious ninnies if they spoke in absolutes like the crazies above. This is the sorta person I can have a serious conversation with, without feeling like I'm being told (in not so many words) that I'm an idiot. My awesome mother is one of these women. Thank you mom.
Oh. My favorite. The Jadded Old Bitties. The funny thing about these women - I'm 120% sure they were the crazy first time moms that thought they knew everything and made sure everyone else was aware of it. Well, now here we have a crazy who knows all there is to know about childbirth.....in 1965. I find it so helpful when a mother who was under general anesthesia when her first 3 children were born, tells me that "labor and delivery aren't hard." Oh really Einstein? Being unconscious will do that. I know "that's just how it was" back then but COME ON. You are in 2008 - you KNOW it's not anymore whether you have recently experienced it or not. You possess no relevance. Just stop talking. My grandmother has somehow managed to understand that times change and that births today are not the same as they were 40 years ago. She offers cool stories about how different things were with each of her own deliveries and how far we've come to get where we are today (even though she hasn't given birth for 30 + years). I know it's possible to step outside your sanctimonious bubble and so I have no time for old ladies who choose not to. You are not applicable to modern times. Go knit something.

P.S. I'm not angry. I'm not fired up. This took me all of 15 minutes to write. Mostly I find it funny.

11 Weeks: Playing Catch Up

So I've been an awful blogger for the past 3 weeks and I'm almost to the point of not remembering what I'd like to write about. ALMOST. I'll give a quick recap of week 10 for you....
The same as week, 7, 8, 9 ....
Not too much changed as far as my nausea and such. I'm definitely getting bigger but I haven't gained any weight. This is such a strange phenomenon to me. I'm all, "Oh wow, I'm down 10 pounds." But really, it's not a WOO HOO! type "wow." At the same time, I'm buying maternity pants and bella bands to keep my expanding waistline in check. So weird.
I've got a ton on my plate and there is no shortage of tears in my life. Apparently I will cry - literally - over anything. I've always been a crier so this pregnancy has basically just thrown me over the edge into a full fledged weepy mess. Then, when I realize I'm crying over something ridiculous, I start laughing. That is quite a sight.



"I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you." ~ Gallagher

10 Weeks: 25%

So we are one quarter way there. 1/4th, 25%, 10 weeks. I'm wishing it would go a little bit faster but at the same time, trying to get a firm grasp how much our lives are going to change just over 6 months from now.
Are you ever REALLY ready? Just more ready than 2 years ago? The same amount of ready? Who knows. Because either way, you weren't a parent before. You weren't trying to raise a productive member of society. You weren't totally and completely responsible for someone else's well being. This is heavy.
We are welcoming it with big, wide open arms while secretly screaming "WHAT IS HAPPENING!?" It's all very exciting and scary.
She's only the size of a kumquat (really, who even knows what that is?) but she's growing fingernails and hair already. FINGERNAILS people. Babies can't even be trusted with their fingernails once they're born, cue the sock-like mittens we use to protect them from themselves. She'd better not try to claw her way out of my uterus anytime soon.

On me:
-Still sick
-Still tired
-Have graduated to eating regular human food daily
-Thought I gained a pound but it was just my clothes. Still down 6 lbs.
-Still looking forward to it all.



"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." ~ Harry S Truman

9 Weeks: Thank You V8 Fusion

I have recently discovered that V8 Pomegranate Blueberry Fusion juice is my lifesaver. I'm having trouble getting anything down let alone all my servings of the essential food groups. The nausea is so strong that I have to fight myself just to get my vitamins in - it ain't pretty. Well lo and behold, this V8 Fusion stuff has saved my life. I get a full serving of fruit AND veggies and my gag reflex is tricked into not noticing the horse sized pills I sneak it with it.

Another discovery - croissants, while insanely unhealthy, are pretty much sustaining me and baby. If I eat a mini one every hour or two, I feel exponentially better through out the day. The sad part is that I'm at a point where "exponentially better" is defined as "don't want to die....as much." But I will stay forever grateful that I can keep the juice and croissants and vitamins down and don't have to pray to the porcelain god (or my desk trash bin) all day. Count your blessings right?

In case you were wondering, Bean is about the size of an olive, looks a lot like a baby and hasn't made me gain any weight so far. We're in love.



"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~ Milton Berle

8 Weeks: Face it -- You're rude

So a quick State of Pregnancy update before I head off into a rant.
A. The real, crazy nausea has certainly set in. I'm lucky if I can get water down. I guess I should be grateful that it's not coming back up? Whatever.
B. I didn't think I could be more tired than week 6. Turns out, I can be.
C. The Bean is the size of a grape, is growing her lungs and neural pathways this week. She also lost her tail. R.I.P. shrimpy tail.

On to the issue at hand....
So I have been faced with the dreaded "When are you due?" question from strangers. The reason this is so dreaded is that I was dealing with that question well before I was pregnant. My body type has always given the illusion that I am with child. This apparently allows any Joe Schmoe to inquire about my due date. It used to bother me because I was aware that I was just chubbo in the belly and that people were hoping it was something much more adorable than that. Fine. I liked to answer with something ridiculously morbid like "Oh. The due date WOULD HAVE been...." Awful I know. But after about 10 strangers feeling the need to ask, I lost my sense of respect or tact (since they didn't seem to have any either). It was a running joke amongst my peers.
Fast forward to now, where I am actually 2 months pregnant. I look exactly the same as before (obviously) but now when someone asks, at least I don't feel like a fraud because I do indeed have a due date. Alas!
Well at least I thought I was out of the woods. Oh no my friend. It has turned into something MUCH more rude that just "when are you due?" Now, all of a sudden a due date isn't good enough. It doesn't suffice to stop the douche that has just assumed I was pregnant - they should be thankful I AM pregnant and not offended at the question.
Lucky for you, you can stop now Ms. McDoucherson.
No way. Why would they do that when they can go on to say "Oh really? You look MUCH farther along/um is it twins/did you say December???" Seriously folks. That is the direct equivalent of saying "You are fat." Try to sugar coat it all you want but the fact of the matter is, you just insulted me in a way that makes YOU feel ok with yourself. If I was indeed "just fat" and not growing a baby, you would be that jerk that just pointed out the obvious "Hey, you're fat. In case you didn't know."
So to all of you that say things like "Oh my gosh you're so big!" or "Really? You shouldn't be showing that early" or "Wow. I only gained 3 pounds by week 20" I say SUCK IT and GOOD DAY TO YOU. Because the truth of the matter is, I can pick YOU out of a line up. I know which of YOU say these sorts of things thinking you are cute or somehow clued into how each and every pregnant body should work. And usually..... "you're fat. In case you didn't know."



"There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age." ~ Dr. Benjamin Spock

7 Weeks: Some Updates

First and foremost, we had our first ultrasound on Wednesday. It was pretty amazing. A few important things to note:
1. There is only ONE baby. THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS. Turns out, I just have a long uterus. Jealous?
2. The Bean looks much more like a tiny shrimp at this point.
3. Internal ultrasounds are as awkward and uncomfortable as they sound.
4. Hearing her heartbeat for the first time was an incredible and humbling experience.

Truly, at 120 bpm, it was the most beautiful sound ever. It is real. The Bean is healthy, measuring right on time and is already adorable (tail and all).

On the mommy front, I thought I was so slick. I was sure I could avoid nausea and morning sickness at my will. Well...I was put in my place. You just can't be prepared for that never ending nauseous feeling. No matter how many times your predecessors try to tell you, you just don't know until it happens. I pretty much feel like I'm on a very unstable boat...24/7.

Other than that and the fatigue, and the sore boobs, and the food aversions...I'm doing fantastic. I will say I have gotten my sense of taste SOMEWHAT back. Now it's just super intense. I'm like some sort of super hero.



"People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them." ~ Leo J. Burke

6 Weeks: Lentil AND Pinto?

So I went for my first prenatal visit last Friday and it was interesting to say the least. Apparently I am some sort of enigma. The conversation between the nurse girl and myself went something like this...
NG: At first your urine test was negative....But then it was positive.
Me: Sooooo was it positive or negative?
NG: Oh it's positive, but I had to wait 5 minutes for it to show up and usually it shows up right away.
Me: So what does that mean exactly? Is that not right?
NG: Oh no. Everything is fine. I'm supposed to wait 5 minutes before reading it anyway.
Me: Well. Thank you for thoroughly confusing me.

Ok I didn't say that last part but I'm sure I made a face that expressed as much. And while we are on it, aren't all tests negative until they show up positive? I mean, really. One line and then two lines or one line and still one line -- either way, it starts out with just the one line. Come on. And if you were supposed to wait 5 minutes anyway, why even tell me it was negative before that? You might as well have come in and said "Oh well it was negative first. When I took it out of the box it was negative, and it was negative when I handed it to you, but then I waited the appropriately specified time after you peed on it and it was positive. So yeah. It's positive."

So we move on from all of that mess and the Dr tells me I'm just very early and my hormone levels might be lower than they normally see at a first visit (usually closer to 10 weeks). Good to go. Here is where the real doozie gets dropped....
She does the pelvic exam to measure the uterus after we have discussed my minor symptoms and such. She looks up with a perplexed face and says "I need you to be prepared for the possibility of twins. You are measuring 2 to 3 weeks ahead." What did you just say? Two? Maybe? What?

She schedules an ultrasound for 7 weeks. We will not only see the Bean's heartbeat next Wednesday, but possibly her brother's as well. What have we gotten ourselves into?



"Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it." ~ Marshall McLuhan

5 Weeks: Does This Smell Like Feet to You?

I count myself as one of the lucky ones so far*. There is no morning sickness to be dramatic about, my husband has let me pull the "but I'm pregggnnnaannnt" card already, and overall, I feel pretty good. What I was not prepared for was the sudden interruption to my once impeccable sense of smell. Since when did raw chicken smell like impending death? As someone who would die without the ability to cook fabulous dishes, this is especially heartbreaking for me. And as we all have learned from our bouts with colds and flus, a change in your "sniffer" sense most definitely causes a change in your "yum" sense - taste. BOO TO THAT.

Chocolate tastes like dirt. Milk is sour. Cereal reminds me of hay. Berries are just gross. Even water tastes like metal. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.

Why, Bean, why do you do this to your Mommy? All I want is to nurture you and keep your home nice and healthy and well fed. How do you repay me? Torture? You don't know me at all, do you?
You are so lucky that I love you more than life itself.
And I really do.
So I forget about the dirty chocolate and horse feed cereal. Because it's ok that you don't like those things right now. I'm pretty sure you're still amazing, regardless.


*I am well aware that "[I] know nothing yet!" and that "this is cake compared to week 9!" I get it. You can jump off of your "Been There/Done That" high horse right now Missy. This is between me and my Bean.



"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." ~ Ed Asner

4 Weeks: The Little Embryo That Could

"What day is today?" I started counting back from what I thought was my last menstrual cycle*. "Oh hm. That's odd."

So begins the process of purchasing and frantically peeing on about 4 different home pregnancy tests. Being the lifelong research and analysis student that I am, I knew that I needed different test types, brands, and "samples". I mean, come on, this is serious business, I need to know that my findings will be valid. This is no time to joke around.

Is there a second blue line? Am I hallucinating? WHAT IS GOING ON!?



Let's try this again. Now with feeling. And again the next morning for good measure.



Ok. It's about that time when I realize there are, in fact, two lines. And this does, in fact, mean that I am currently growing a baby. The increasing darkness of each test line pretty much tells me that my Bean is sending out a very important signal. Something along the lines of "I AM IN HERE DIVIDING MY CELLS AT A RAPID PACE!!!"

So as of April 2nd 2008, I am officially pregnant according to $30 worth of Rite Aid, CVS and First Response pregnancy tests. Here we go.



*Listen up - if THAT term makes you uncomfortable, this blog is not for you. We're talkin' about baby birthin' and all that gook (literally) so maybe you'd be better suited here or even here .



"A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Preface

So here I am. Pregnant. Wow. I'd like to thank my husband, without whom this would certainly not be possible. I'd like to thank the Academy...

As I sit (still in slight shock) I realize this is very cool. Like, "coolest thing we've ever done" cool. I should probably document this process to remember exactly how awesome we were at this amazing time in our lives. And if not for the fuzzy feeling factor, so later when our baby is old enough to argue with, I have some hard evidence of just how much I have been through for her. You know, the classic catholic guilt trip that I know she will be exposed to -- I'm just prepping!

Sarcasm aside (weird, right?)...Dan and I are probably the most excited we have ever been and will ever be. Get ready for the ride!



"It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money." ~ Elinor Goulding Smith